'All Black Everything'

Don’t you wish you had a laugh like Lil Wayne? Don’t you wish you were hot like Nicki Minaj? Don’t you wish you had a ‘flow’ like Luda? (only black people would understand the depth of this sentence) I ask, don’t you fantasize about yourself coining the terms like 'SWAG' or 'Birthday Sex'?

SWAG! SWAG! SWAG!

No matter how white you are, deep down in your heart you know you want to be black and you curse your grandpa for not hooking up with a black shawty. You know you want a middle name like THANKGODIAMFRESH or THUGLIFE’UPINSMOKE and fantasize someone giving you a compliment like "‘Nigga, I am digging your swag."

 "Chai mat piyo, beta. Kalay hojao gay."

My mom would always threaten the white-gay-innocent me just to make sure that I don’t get obsessed with tea. BUT WHY MOM?! WHY!? Why do we have this strange prejudice or insecurity against black people? Why are black people criticized for being the odd ones out even though we are pretty much obsessed with them? Why does my 12 year old cousin prefer to accompany a white woman for shopping just because the black lady is BLACK? Why did my dad not name me Kalay Khan?

Black people taught me how to have faith in myself. They taught me how to be happy with tiny little blessings (even MAC N CHEESE is a blessing, they say) They taught me to be loyal to my people and loyal to my hood, no matter how ghetto it is!

So, a shout out to all the black people for being so awesome and motivating me to be black, even though I am whiter then paper, like white golfers and find Edie Sedgwick more attractive than Beyonce.

Whiskey love.

So yeah, the probability of having a 'chuddy-buddy' or a 'true friend' is not any greater than finding a skinny pukhtoon actress.

However, there is this certain someone whom you blindly trust, who is loyal to you regardless of the money in your pocket, the size of the blunt you smoke or the place you live.

This someone will not laugh at your weaknesses, will be equally frustrated by your problems and will insist you to buy branded boxers from his/her first income. This someone will be always obsessed with your life no matter how fucked up is it. This someone will always wait for your text every single day.

And trust me it is a blessing to have that someone in your life.